Shopping, With Secret Messages

1. I went shopping today in hopes of buying new bras. Other people go shopping! I could too! Maybe I could buy bras that are not REALLY BORING (yet only $8).


2. Couldn't find anything in my goddamn size. Couldn't figure out my goddamn size. Rib cage measures 29" - 30", depending how tight I pull the tape, meaning that I should wear a 34 band or maybe a 36. Under the armpits measures 31", meaning that I should wear a 32 band. (Yes, these two methods SHOULD give the same number.) Fullest part of the bust? 32". When you subtract band from bust, this means we get -4 or -2 or 0, depending which of the band sizes we believe is true. So that means I should wear a 36 Undefined or a 34 Undefined or a 32AA. None of which are available at my local department stores.


3. Secret message to bra manufacturers: I would buy nice bras in my size IF YOU SOLD THEM. Until then I will stick with $8 bras from the children's department at Target. Would I prefer not to have to shop in the children's department? Yes.


4. Instead I went to Banana Republic to buy fall and winter clothes, of which I already have WAY TOO MANY. But this is because fall and winter clothes fit better than spring and summer clothes. Fall and winter clothes come in normal colors like black or grey or brown or dark green or dark blue instead of stupid colors like orange or yellow or turquoise or lavender or fuschia. Fall and winter clothes are just BETTER than spring and summer clothes.


5. A skirt with pockets! Another skirt with pockets! A dress with pockets!


6. Secret message to Banana Republic: I bought over $700 worh of clothing today ("only" cost me $600 because of my coupon) BECAUSE OF THE POCKETS.


7. How fucked up is it that I use vanity sizing as an excuse to feel fat? Everything I bought today was a "small" or a 0 or a 2. And yet I still feel fat. Damn it.