Wednesday, March 18, 2009

This Makes Me Wary of My Online Bank

Online bank emails me: "Have you figured out what you're going to do with your tax return yet? You could spend it all on more closet space, a trip to Polynesia, or you could put it in your Online Savings Account and watch it grow."

I know exactly what I'm going to do with my tax return.

Sometime on April 14th or 15th I'm going to get in a fight with The Topologist when I coerce him into doing the paperwork. He'll exclaim, "How can you not know your cost basis!?" and "You can't put that on Line 7 just because you 'don't want to' file Schedule C!" Then I will write a check for thousands of dollars to the IRS (checking off the box for "let the IRS calculate penalties"), promising The Topologist that even though my W4 is filled out as "single - zero" that I will tell HR to take out extra money from each check and send it to the IRS. He'll also make me promise to pay estimated and to save all my trade confirmations. And then I'll drive to the post office right before it closes and put my tax return in the mail. I will grumble about how much easier my life would be if we would replace the income tax with a national sales tax.

Tax return = The paperwork you fill out.

Tax refund = Something I haven't gotten in well over a decade.

Shouldn't my online bank know the difference? (And, no, it wasn't a phishing scam, as there was no link to click in the email.)