Start-up Job Advertisement Mad-Libs

I'm on a jobs mailing list. I see a lot of ads from start-ups looking to hire people.

[Company name] is a [location]-based startup ready to transform [basic life activity, like eating, breathing, parenting, story-telling, etc.]. Founded by [brand name college(s)] graduates, we have just secured a round of [startup jargon] funding [from our parents]. [Company name] is looking to expand to add a [absolutely essential position] to our team. We are looking for someone who knows [everything] and who is not afraid to take risks [of not getting paid]. If you are a dynamic, driven, and talented [job title] who is ready to revolutionize [basic life activity], send us your resume. We offer [a dim caricature of 1990s style start-up life] and [the hope of getting rich if this becomes the next Farmville]. Send resumes to our Chief Technology Officer [who is 20 years old and lives in his mom's basement].